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Monday, March 5, 2012

Rules For Attending An Eastern Conference Home Game

Sad, hopeless individuals 
After Maple Leafs fans essentially got Ron Wilson fired last week by chanting "FIRE WILSON'' at a home game, I thought it might be a good idea to examine the rules of attending an NHL game, from an Eastern Conference perspective.

While there are no clearly defined rules for attending a home game for your favourite team, there are some unwritten rules that all fans should be aware of.  For the sake of simplicity I've outlined them for you below:





Winnipeg Jets-  While attending a Winnipeg Jets game, it is important to remember to keep chanting "GO JETS GO!" throughout the entire game.  If Jets fans fail to do this, then the league reserves the right to remove the team, and relocate.  This is located under the 'Season Ticket' rule for the Winnipeg franchise.  As a result, the people of Winnipeg have not stopped chanting "GO JETS GO!" since May 2011, at the risk of being shot by Canadian media personalities.

Pittsburgh Penguins- Fans at Pittsburgh home games must always bring a sign stating their sexual and or marriage intensions with Sidney Crosby.  Note- this applies to male Pens fans too.

New York Rangers-  It is customary at a Rangers home game to either cheer for the Jets or Yankees if they're also playing that night, as you are likely at the Rangers game because the baseball and football games were sold out.

Washington Capitals- Make sure you tell the opposing team that "WE ARE LOUDER" than your fans (even though 'their' fans don't understand what hockey even is).

Ottawa Senators- Make sure when attending any Senators home game that you quietly make your way to your seat, and then don't make a sound all night.

New York Islanders- N/A

Buffalo Sabres-  When attending a Sabres game, make sure you never sit in the wrong seat. If you do, that Buffalo fan will complain to you for 10 years after about how you were 'out of place' and how 'that's illegal'.

Tampa Bay Lightning- Cheer loud enough for the Habs that it drowns out the 100 Lightning fans at the game.

Philadelphia Flyers- Insert team/ player name followed or preceded by the words 'sucks' or 'fuck'

Carolina Hurricanes- No chants are required from fans at home games, so long as before the game you bring your pick up truck, BBQ and 24 of Bud Light for the parking lot party.

New Jersey Devils- Always ensure your face is painted for games at MSG with your girlfriend, Elaine.

Florida Panthers: Cheer loud enough for the Habs that it drowns out the 50 Panthers fans at the game.

Boston Bruins- Encourage any mindless cheap shots or goon like plays that may happen throughout the course of the game.

Toronto Maple Leafs- Ensure a loud strong chant of "FIRE CARLYLE" is heard by Brian Burke after the first Leafs home loss with Randy as the new head coach.

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